In His Own Words: Educator and Pianist Forrest Kinney on Living, Dying, and Accepting
For decades (and in over 40 books and collections of musical compositions), Forrest Kinney has been teaching classical pianists to break away from the prison of the written notes and improvise our own paths. Recently diagnosed with incurable blood cancer, Kinney shared these words with his friends on Facebook (and gave me permission to post it on my blog)--once again teaching us to improvise, only this time courageously creating life in the face of death. Here, in his own words, Forrest Kinney's beautiful formula for living, dying, and accepting:
LIVING, DYING, AND ACCEPTING
After fracturing my back in February, I was not healing. So I went to the hospital in April. After being diagnosed with blood cancer, I decided to try chemotherapy. The day after I began, I suffered kidney failure and nearly died. (I will spare you the rather gruesome details!) So, I agreed to do dialysis and some transfusions. For weeks, I felt like a breathing corpse. The pain was, at times, hard to bear. The doctors said I would be on dialysis every other day for a year with no prospect of a cure. So, I made the extremely difficult decision to end all treatment and let nature run its course. After all, in trying to stay alive, I had taken a course that had killed all quality of life and had hastened my death. I finally accepted this.
So, three weeks ago, I moved to a beautiful hospice facility in Seattle to die in peace. And then something strange began to happen. The staff members here are all buoyant angels who embody the deeply compassionate side of humanity, the food is delicious and is restoring my strength and my desire to eat, and the pain medications actually work. Within a week, I began to feel so much better, and began to really enjoy all my visitors. I opened my laptop and began working on finishing a book. I began to learn to play an exquisite lap harp and experience the incredible beauty of making music again.
A few weeks ago, I thought I would be ashes by now, but I am living a surprisingly rich life, even though I’m in bed all day. In accepting that the treatments were not working for me, I allowed deeper treatments to begin to do their work. In letting myself die, I have been coming back to life. Because of the advanced stage of the cancer, I will still probably die soon, but I have experienced so much beauty and love at the end.
I wanted to assure you that this final act has been a time of comfort and joy. I also wanted to share what I have learned: when we accept “what is” and act accordingly, when we quit trying to force our lives to be what they are not, life can unfold in a shockingly beautiful way.
Thank you Forrest for teaching us that there's beauty and joy in everything, even in letting go. May God bless you on your journey.
Forrest Kinney is an educator who has taught music for over four decades. He is a Nationally Certified Teacher of Music (NCTM) as recognized by the Music Teacher's National Association (MTNA). His goal it to help others become creative, whole musicians capable of enjoying the Four Arts of Music: improvising, arranging, composing, and interpreting. He is the author of 40 books and collections of musical compositions. This includes the original Pattern Play series on musical improvisation, the newer Pattern Play series published by the Royal Conservatory of Music, and the newest Pattern Play-based series called Create First!. He has also written two series on arranging: the new Puzzle Play series and the Chord Play series published by the Royal Conservatory of Music. His book Creativity--Beyond Compare explores common misconceptions about creativity and artistic practice. Music-Creativity-Joy is a collection of 105 essays and article about teaching the Four Arts of Music. His latest book is the Quick Chord Course, an introduction to playing the 32 most popular chords.
To learn more about Forrest Kinney and to order copies of his publications and compositions, visit his website: https://forrestkinney.com